Vogue's Choices, Not Mine

I am a nameless woman. And this video is not about my choice.

Feminism. That’s a word that has begun to scare me these days. The idea it represents is running at an all-time high and with the internet, it is almost becoming a fad to attach the word to one’s “bios” on micro-blogging sites.  With social media getting more powerful, women are breaking the age-old idea of ‘purdah’ and coming out, confident and powerful. As we become surer of our bodies and vocal about the wrongs others have done, are we not giving in to the aggressive, and sometimes a corporate, idea of feminism? Is the idea of ‘feminism’ becoming a gender war?

It was on a Saturday afternoon that a friend had sent me a link to a Vogue ‘empower’ video. It took me a few seconds to understand what the video was trying to say. There was a constant drumming of “my choice”. Empowerment is one thing, but floating a displaced idea of it is another. As I happen to be against the fairness cream and cosmetics market, and also the senseless ideas of slimming down to a certain shape, Deepika Padukone talking about “my choice” did startle me.

It was just a couple of months ago that I had seen her smiling from an ad, talking about slimming flakes. Why? Why pass the message to slim down and have that perfect waistline? I am fat. Let that be my choice. Or the fairness cream ads that she endorses and promises a blemish-free skin tone. Why? I was born brown, let me remain brown. Or when I get pigmented, does it really matter? Or even the shampoo ads where she talks about strong tresses. What if I have no time for my tresses? Or have no tresses at all? I could be bald or have beautifully damaged hair, full with split ends? It would still be my hair and therefore my choice.

The video also talks about the beautiful word, “sex”.  But it doesn’t have a beautiful tone to it. Sex outside marriage is not a very sweet choice. What about the husband you are cheating on? Or even if you are living in with a man and sleeping with another! My choice? Would it remain as cool if I found my partner with another woman?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtPv7IEhWRA

Adultery, cruelty, patriarchy, male chauvinism. We women are quick to say these for men. What about us? The internet is abuzz with a supposed adultery charge on a young politician. Can we just shrug our shoulders and say “it’s his choice”. 

Coming back home at whatever time is our choice. But is worrying for a loved one who is late to get back, a crime? Are we individual entities with no mothers, sisters, lovers, brothers, husbands, or friends? Is it just my choice?

This is a kind of feminism that unsettles me. Are we out to bring down patriarchy or the very relationships we considered special?

A man, a husband is not just a sperm-vending machine and therefore, having a baby is not just my choice. What Vogue misses out on is representation of all, or more-than-a-few-kinds of women on the video. Get a woman who longs for a baby, but cannot due to biological problems. Get a woman who has been forced to abort a foetus. Ask her to talk about her choice. Because the 99 women are not us. They are not the women who have been burned for dowry, battered, sexually harassed. Why couldn’t there be one victim of an acid attack on the video? Why couldn’t she look at society and say , “Look here. Look my spirit is free.” Why couldn’t there be scientists who made us proud with Mangalayaan or sportswomen who are struggling to just make sure they can play the next game for the country?

“You are my choice. I am not your privilege” sounds great. But aren’t we looking forward to an equal society? Why should I be his privilege? Then, are men with fat bank balances, looking for fair, demure brides also the privilege of the woman? If the first case isn’t sexist, the second one too, should be fine. And no dear director, I do not agree to your “my pleasure may be your pain”, theory. How does my pleasure being someone’s pain empower me? Or any woman for that matter?

I am a nameless woman. And this video is not about my choice. This video is not about choices of the random woman on the street. Some women are born with more freedom and options, some die fighting for that freedom. Sadly the video caters to just the first set. There are graver things like looking for equal wages, looking for equal representation in cabinets, fighting the random stranger on the bus who wants to feel my bottom.  Let me be fat, have dark pigmented skin, short or damaged hair. Let that be my choice too. Let that be and then this video might be my choice.