All Your Questions And Some More On Oppenheimer And Barbie Answered

If you have been living in this universe, it would have been impossible to escape the hype and hoopla that the last weekend's two big releases Aneethi and Bawaal generated.

Okay, just kidding. We are of course talking about Oppenheimer and Barbie. The two Hollywood movies were under so much focus that if an actual atom bomb had been dropped somebody somewhere nobody would have noticed. It might come to light later this week.

The situation is so dire that if you have not watched at least one of the movies, you run the risk of being canceled by the cognoscenti. They have already come up with a portmanteau term for the phenomenon that the two films have become. 

They are calling it Barbenheimer. (Why not Oppenarbie?). But getting the tickets for the two films has been more difficult than finding tomatoes in hotel sambar in India these days. 

Anyway, as a journalist, it is my bounden duty to write about the two films, lest I be accused of  overlooking the biggest issues concerning the world today. So, here I have carefully answered all the questions that I have carefully thought up on the two movies. 

I can also confirm that all the details in the Q & A have been diligently fact-checked to remain 100 per cent bogus, which is the hallmark of my journalism. 

Give us a brief background of Oppenheimer and Barbie

The Oppenheimer film is about the eponymous physicist who, as everyone who has even a passing interest in world history will know, is considered the father of Peter and Katherine, his two children.

Oppenheimer's work led to the  creation of the first atom bomb, which many parents seriously want to use on Mattel HQ for coming up with the Barbie doll. Fun Fact: The world collectively has expended more money on Barbie and its ecosystem than on atomic bombs. 

The Barbie movie, on the other hand, is about the existential crisis of the Barbie doll and it sets out on a journey of self-discovery. Yes, you read it right. An imaginary doll is having emotional problems. And you thought Nolan's film was the complex one?

Okay, since you brought up Christiopher Nolan, how has he approached Oppenheimer?

Oppenheimer, let us be honest, is the most accessible of Nolan's movies. Left to himself, Nolan would have imagined Oppenheimer as a story that happens in, we don't know, in Einstein's memory or even his amnesia.

But here he has restrained himself admirably and come up with a film that you can easily understand, as long as you have done the elementary preparation of having a Masters in particle physics. 

Seriously, in a film that has Niels Bohr, Albert Einstein and Edward Teller as characters, do you think you can get away with like watching a Balakrishna or Salman Khan movie?

What do you mean?

Our simple point is if you know in detail about Oppenheimer's life, his scientific quest, his involvement in the atomic bomb creation project and some quantum theory, this film is a cinch for you.

Well, tell us something about Barbie

Straight off the bat, we can say that the name of the actress who plays Barbie — 'Margot Robbie' — anagrams to 'Mr Go To Barbie'. This is the source of her existential crisis. The case of the actress who plays the weird Barbie is worse.

Her name 'Kate McKinnon' anagrams to — we are not making this up —  'Conman Ken Kit', which essentially damns the entire Barbie ecosystem. If the producers had known this before they would probably have sued Kate for defamation.

Is there a dress code to watch the Barbie film

Not really a dress code, but many have chosen to go to Barbie movie in coordinated pinks so that they can enjoy the satisfaction of watching the film with people who exhibit the same sense of stupidity. For the record, to watch Oppenheimer you may have to go in a colour-coordinated heat suit. 

Now that Barbenheimer is a monumental hit, will there be sequels?

What sequel are you talking of? Barbie itself seems like a holocaustian sequel to Oppenheimer.

We mean we all know that Oppenheimer's atomic bomb was dropped on Japan, which is where the first Barbie dolls were manufactured. And you cannot rule out the possibility of those dolls being made of radioactive waste. Which also means that we cannot entirely eliminate the idea that the Barbie dolls have acquired the ability to clone themselves into multiple variations, develop sensibilities and eventually take over the world. Well, that is what they actually show in Barbie.

Of course, the entire world being a chimera in Nolan's imagination is also a distinct prospect. Watch this space or your nearest cinema hall for more.

(Just in case, you need to know, this is a spoof. Or a Nolan’s movie)