In order to control the unstable situation in Pakistan the United States of America has decided to include the volatile nation as its fifty-first state.
The President of the United States of America Barack Obama has dropped a bombshell on the unsuspecting White House press corps as he announced that Pakistan will be admitted as the 51st state of the United States. The announcement came after President Obama met Pakistan’s Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif at the White House on Thursday. White House sources suggest that this was the only way Obama believed America could finally control the Pakistani nukes. The fear of an unstable Pakistan’s nukes falling into the wrong hands had led to US pumping billions of dollars in aid to Pakistan and also standing with them.
Pakistani Army, Tehreek-e-Taliban Pakistan (TTP), Lashkar-e-Toiba (LeT), Lashkar-e-Jhangvi (LeJ), Hizb-ul-Mujahideen (HM), Harkat-ul Mujahideen, Jamait-ul-Mujahideen (JuM), Harkat-ul-Jehad-al-Islami(HUJI), Sipah-e-Sahaba Pakistan (SSP), Haqqani network and the Afghan Taliban operating from Pakistan and many other terrorist organizations will be incorporated into the US territorial army. However, all the Pakistani nukes will be brought under direct control of the ‘White’ American army.
Since 2001, the Pakistan Army has also received more than $20 billion in military support from the United States ostentatiously to fight the terrorists based out of Pakistan. “We are pumping billions of dollars into Pakistan anyway. Now we can spend this money to directly pay the terrorists enrolled into the US army and also to revive the Pakistani economy…” said White House.
“Enrolling most of the terrorists into the US army would drastically reduce the ability of terrorists to attack the US army in Afghanistan,” tweeted Secretary of State John Kerry. Pakistan’s powerful Army chief Raheel Sharif’s request to Obama to let his terrorist cadre to attack India once in a while to keep up their morale is still under consideration.
Obama’s decision to allot the new State of Pakistan led to the addition of a new star on the US flag, along with a crescent and star borrowed from Pakistan’s flag. This move was panned as inane appeasement by the Republicans. However, White House insiders inform us that it was only done to prevent Pakistanis from burning down the American flag every time they are pissed off. Stocks of American flag manufactures in Pakistan crashed after this news leaked out.
Nawaz Sharif hailed the decision and said that America will benefit immensely from Pakistani science students who can actually make real clock bombs and not the lookalikes made my naive American students. He said Pakistani inventions like water-run cars will revolutionize American transport and greatly help the fight against climate change. Conservative Pakistani men who are worried that their women might turn more liberal and stop sporting Burqas and Hijab quickly felt assured after they saw pictures of President-in-waiting Hillary sporting a Hijab.
Republican frontrunner for the 2016 Presidential elections, Donald Trump declared that he will build a wall around Pakistan so Mexicans don’t immigrate into their 51st State. When asked for her reaction, former Governor of Alaska and Republican Sarah Palin said it would be better for American foreign policy as “from Pakistan, you can literally see India, Afghanistan and China and so it would be easy to keep an eye on them.”
While China was furious with this decision and let Nawaz know their displeasure in no uncertain terms and choicest Chinese abuses, Putin is learnt to have begun moves to occupy Pakistan. Meanwhile, American sheep industry leaders were alarmed as they learned that “Sexiest sheep in America” was the top search on Google in Pakistan as soon as the decision to admit it into the US was announced.
Note: A similar post on the same lines but on India becoming the 51st State was published here.
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